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Mitch Hedberg Quote

“I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

— Mitch Hedberg

Wisdom

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An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

— Mitch Hedberg

Wisdom

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I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

— Mitch Hedberg

Friendship

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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

— Mitch Hedberg

Hope

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I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

— Mitch Hedberg

Wisdom

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I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

— Mitch Hedberg

Wisdom

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