Quotes by Woody Allen

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

— Woody Allen

Love

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

— Woody Allen

Happiness

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

— Woody Allen

Wisdom

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

— Woody Allen

Life

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

— Woody Allen

Life

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

— Woody Allen

Life

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

— Woody Allen

Wisdom

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

— Woody Allen

Success

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

— Woody Allen

Wisdom

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

— Woody Allen

Wisdom

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

— Woody Allen

Wisdom

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

— Woody Allen

Wisdom

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

— Woody Allen

Wisdom

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

— Woody Allen

Wisdom

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

— Woody Allen

Success

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

— Woody Allen

Happiness

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

— Woody Allen

Wisdom

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

— Woody Allen

Wisdom

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

— Woody Allen

Hope

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

— Woody Allen

Life

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

— Woody Allen

Wisdom

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

— Woody Allen

Success

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

— Woody Allen

Wisdom

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

— Woody Allen

Life