Quotes by Jenny Eclair

I wouldn't say I was grumpy. It's more pathological - I have seismic tantrums. I get red in the face and cry at least three times a week, and I have to lie down and have a nap afterwards.

— Jenny Eclair

Truth

I am very short-sighted, and if I don't like a situation I take my glasses off.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

My older sister is bossy, my brother is a stirrer and me - well, I am perfect!

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

There should be more booing in shops and restaurants and places like that when when the service is bad. If you've had a poor breakfast in a hotel, you should put your knife and fork down and boo.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

Anyone who has dead straight hair wants curls.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

I am best viewed from a distance... and at night.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

I prefer highs and lows to an even keel. Moderation is never something I've been good at.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

I admire the Elsie Tanners and Barbara Windsors of the world: people who have crawled back from the abyss. I'm quite camp in that respect.

— Jenny Eclair

Life

What has happened to the good old-fashioned travel agent? I want to go to a really posh travel agent and have them organise everything for me. I don't want to do things on the Internet.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

I'm the least spiritual person in the world. I can't even abide a smelly candle. I know it's meant to make me relax, and that immediately makes my hackles rise.

— Jenny Eclair

Life

Well, I'm not good with sliminess. I hate the thought of creatures that have slime on them or creatures that leave a slimy trail. At home, the sight of a slug can bring up my breakfast.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

I think my siblings sometimes have to defend me within their social circles - they are both barristers.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.

— Jenny Eclair

Courage

As a rule, wearing a bigger pair of jeans looks better than squishing yourself into a pair of jeans that used to fit before you gave up smoking.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

Family is the one thing that is definitely not disposable.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

I am best viewed from a distance.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

I am not sure gender ever won't be an issue in comedy, because I think that women do have different priorities in some respects.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

I still can't set up the ironing-board. A complete Luddite.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

I think as time goes by you'll get female comics who are weirder - you'll get a female Mighty Boosh.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

I'm a schizophrenic mix of wannabe glamourpuss and absolute slob, and my style is very much magistrate-meets-barmaid.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

After graduating from flares and platforms in the early 1970s, I started drama school wearing a pair of khaki dungarees with one of my Dad's Army shirts, accessorised by a cat's basket doubling as a handbag. Very Lady Gaga.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom

The only way to go on holiday is with your expectations at ground level. Convince yourself before you go that the weather's going to be dreadful and there will be nylon sheets. You'll then be pleasantly surprised.

— Jenny Eclair

Wisdom