The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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Quotes by Groucho Marx
Explore 26 verified and sourced quotes attributed to Groucho Marx. Open any quote for its dedicated page, source details and related topics.
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Selected quotes by Groucho Marx
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
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