Quotes by Eddie Izzard

Never put a sock in a toaster.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

I use a Bruce Lee technique: 'The way of no way.' He had the idea that he would learn everything, so that whoever he had to fight, he could improvise anything. The best way of starting a gig is just to not think of anything - to clear your mind, not in an empty Zen state, but more just to go on and see where you go.

— Eddie Izzard

Education

If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

I'm a one-man idiot.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

Comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?

— Eddie Izzard

Life

I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.

— Eddie Izzard

Happiness

I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.

— Eddie Izzard

Truth

I'm quite good at taking in information so I voraciously inhale Wikipedia - which may have some things wrong in it, but I think is generally more information than we had before. Last tour we didn't have Wikipedia. And then Discovery Channel and History Channel. I can take it in and retain what I think are the most important facts.

— Eddie Izzard

Wisdom

If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.

— Eddie Izzard

Success