If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
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Quotes by Andy Rooney
Explore 25 verified and sourced quotes attributed to Andy Rooney. Open any quote for its dedicated page, source details and related topics.
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Selected quotes by Andy Rooney
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.
Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.
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