Quotes by Andy Rooney

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

— Andy Rooney

Happiness

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.

— Andy Rooney

Education

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

— Andy Rooney

Happiness

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

— Andy Rooney

Truth

It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.

— Andy Rooney

Life

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.

— Andy Rooney

Life

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.

— Andy Rooney

Success

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.

— Andy Rooney

Happiness

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.

— Andy Rooney

Success

I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

— Andy Rooney

Life

Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.

— Andy Rooney

Wisdom