Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

— Ambrose Bierce

Friendship

Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

— Ambrose Bierce

Happiness

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

— Ambrose Bierce

Life

Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

— Ambrose Bierce

Success

Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

— Ambrose Bierce

Love

Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

— Ambrose Bierce

Love

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom

History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

— Ambrose Bierce

Wisdom